Listening

When I play,
I am listening for pitch and rhythm.
I am listening for motives that travel across the instruments.
I am listening for what's not there,
where the empty spaces are.
I am listening for texture and dynamics.

When I play,
my listening is both very selective,
and it is very inconsistent.
Disloyal.

It can be highly self-centred too.

When I play,
my awareness is more loyal to the collective than my listening.
I think I am more aware of the others than I am actually listening to them.
But when I listen back to a recording of a piece,
it sounds indeed like I am listening to them.